February 21: One Year Later

Thoughts from February 21, 2014…

One year ago today we learned we were pregnant.

I remember so clearly the rush of emotions I experienced that morning. I lay awake in the dark, waiting for our alarm to ring, so that the day was officially starting and I could take the pregnancy test. There in the black stillness, it felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room. My heart was racing with both hope and dread. I had taken a test (actually two) the day before, but the second line had been so faint, I wasn’t sure if the positive result was accurate, and so I wasn’t yet able to welcome the excitement that I had desired to experience for so long. Though he hadn’t moved, I could feel that Isaac was awake as well. We both lay buried under the covers, silently working through the same “what if’s” in our minds. Finally, the wait became too much for me, and so I told Isaac I was going to take the test. Waiting for the results… those few minutes felt like an eternity. Isaac appeared in the doorway, and we exchanged nervous smiles. Taking deep breaths, we picked up the test and looked together… while that second line wasn’t super dark, it was definitely there, and from all my internet searching the day before I knew that meant that pregnancy hormone was present. A positive result. We were pregnant.

We hugged, and hugged, and then hugged some more. Snuggled up together in our little Haifu apartment bathroom, I’ll bet we looked at that test 50 times, our hearts filling with joy and hope and excitement as we imagined life with our future baby.

And now here I am one year later, holding our beautiful baby girl as she sleeps with her little body tucked against my chest, her pudgy hand wrapped around my finger. I kiss her soft rosy cheeks for perhaps the ten thousandth time, inhale that sweet baby smell, and stare at her beautiful face, completely and totally in love… these moments with her, they are true bliss. The feelings I have for her are so much sweeter, deeper, and more powerful than I ever could have dreamed. I still cannot believe that Isla is here, and that we have the incredible fortune to love her and guide her through life. What a precious, precious gift.