Teaching Children Thankfulness

Teach your child to say, “Thank you,” in response to gifts, compliments, kindness, and help. Such a simple, but important lesson, right?! Along with directly instructing your child to say “Thank you,” don’t forget to explain to children WHY they are saying it! Explain that when someone does something nice for them it requires their time, effort, and sometimes, expense. Taking the time to help your child build that understanding is key. We encourage our children to pause what they are doing and look a person in the eye when they thank them to help solidify the importance of the gesture. Trust me, this is something you will have to teach more than once, but taking the time to instill these manners and genuine appreciation in your child is worth it!

Model grateful behavior. If you want your children to say “Thank you,” make sure you practice what you preach! Make sure you are modeling your desired behavior by saying “Thank you,” in front of, and to, your children. And take it a step further– express WHY you are appreciative.

“Thank you for the beautiful scarf. It’s my favorite color! I can tell you put a lot of thought into choosing something I’d like.”

“Thank you for helping me unload the dishwasher. I’m really worn out and your help made the job go by so much faster.”

“Thank you for being so patient with your brother. I know it’s frustrating when he takes your toys, but by staying calm you set a really great example for him.” –Yeah, we’ve had to use this one a time or two!

Sing or share what you are thankful for at bedtime. We incorporate gratitude practices into the kids’ bedtime routines. Every night before we tuck Cole in we sing a song by Raffi called, “Thanks A Lot”. We’ve added a few verses to the end of song to personalize it for our family, but the overall message is to give thanks for all the things in your life, from the sun in the sky to the way you feel. Sometimes he just tucks his head on our shoulders and listens to us sing, and other times (like the video below) he sings along and TOTALLY melts our hearts!

We used to sing the same song with Isla, but as she grew older the singing evolved into more of a discussion. Before we tuck her in we each share the things we are thankful for in our lives. We model and encourage Isla to express thanks for what is in her heart at that moment, so the list changes daily. We give thanks for the big things (family, friends, safety, good health, a warm home, plenty of food) and all the little things that bring joy to our lives (pumpkins, sunny days, collecting on our beach, colorful fall leaves, cookies, crafting time, etc.).

Point out, and express gratitude for, the simple joys in life. Not only does this practice help our children find appreciation for the little things, but it’s a good reminder for us!

“Look how beautiful the sky is today! I’m so grateful we get to enjoy this lovely day.”

“This hot cocoa is so tasty! What a wonderful treat.”

Write thank you letters. Who doesn’t love receiving a heartfelt thank you card in the mail?! Writing thank you letters is such a simple and considerate action, and a wonderful skill for children to learn. You can involve your child in thank you letter writing as soon as they are old enough to hold a pencil and make a scribble!

Obviously we write Cole’s thank you letters for him, but to help build his understanding, we talk to him about what we’re doing. He doesn’t fully understand the concept of thank you cards yet, but that’s okay! We’re laying the foundation for understanding by exposing him to the process. We involve Cole directly by encouraging him to sign the cards and helping us put them in the mailbox.

As children get older they can take on more responsibility for writing their thank you cards. Isla is beginning to write on her own, so she tackles smaller messages by herself. For the larger messages, she tells us what she would like to say and we write for her. Sometimes we ask her questions to stretch her thinking and produce a more thoughtful message. For example, if she thanks someone for a new art set and says she really likes it, we might ask her, “What about the art set do you like?” Then the letter goes from: Thank you for my art set. I like it. to Thank you for my art set. I like how there are so many kinds of brushes and that the paints are so colorful! Isla signs her own name, helps stuff and seal envelopes, and sometimes does the addressing. She also loves to drop her own thank you cards in the mailbox.

Read books about thankfulness. An engaging, well-written book can be a great teacher, and there is a growing list of fabulous titles that focus on being thankful and expressing gratitude out there! We shared our favorite Thanksgiving books for children in this post and have a full list over on Pinterest.

Call attention to the thoughtful actions of others. When you notice someone has done something kind or helpful, share that observation with your child.

“That was so thoughtful of Daddo to pick up all my shoes for me! He must have known I was feeling tired and wanted to help me. I need to thank him when he gets home.”

“I noticed that Cole shared his favorite truck with you. That must have made your heart feel good.”

“Papa built a new sand box for you to play in! Wow, that must have been a lot of work. That was really thoughtful of him.”

We also love using this strategy to indirectly compliment our children. Side note— have you ever complimented your child to someone and said it loud enough that your child can hear you? Let me tell you, it does wonders for their self-esteem! I’ll say to Cole in front of Isla, “Look how quickly you got your toys cleaned up with Isla helping you! She’s such a great helper, isn’t she?!” You should see how Isla beams when she hears us complimenting her to someone else!

Create thankfulness crafts. An engaging craft that incorporates discussion and visual cues is a great way to build and encourage children’s understanding of thankfulness. Two of our favorite crafts are these Thankfulness Leaves and Toddler Thankfulness Turkeys. The leaves are a daily reflective practice for kiddos and the turkeys use photos to help toddlers understand the concept of thankfulness. You can get all the details for both crafts by clicking the links above.

Intentional Gift Giving. With the holidays just around the corner, there’s no doubt gift giving is on everyone’s minds. We work to be very intentional with our giving and encourage our children to REFLECT on the person they are giving to BEFORE deciding on a gift. What does that person like? What might that person need? Can you think of something they could find useful? Is there something you can give that will remind them of a special time you’ve shared together? Is there an activity or adventure you could share with them in the future? We love giving gifts, but we’re always trying to be mindful, sentimental, and intentional with our selections. Our ultimate goal is to show our loved ones that we understand and care for them. With the lure of all the flashy toys out there, it’s a great practice to start encouraging our children to be intentional about their giving (and gift requests) as well.

Play thankfulness games. Games are a such great way to connect and engage as a family! We put together a fun and simple game that encourages reflection and conversation. It’s perfect for dinner time, car rides, or when you snuggle up together before bed. Click HERE for your free printable download.

We hope this list of suggestions is helpful to you as you encourage thankful spirits in your children! Do you have any favorite strategies you use to help your little ones understand and act with gratitude? If so, please share in the comments!