2021 Goal Setting with the Kids

With a bright, shiny new year ahead, it is the perfect time to set some new goals. We embarked upon goal setting with Isla last year, and this year we thought it might be valuable to give it a try with Cole as well. How we approached the process of goal setting with a 7-year old was vastly different than with a 3-year old, and the verdict is still out as to whether Cole even had the tiniest clue what I was talking about! But, we are of the belief that it is great to expose our kiddos to helpful skills and habits, even when they are young, because it all contributes to their foundation.

Let’s start with Isla’s process. First, we reflected upon her 2020 goals. We celebrated those she achieved and had meaningful conversations around those she had not yet met. Some were impossible because of COVID-19 and the need to distance (riding lessons, swimming skills), while others needed more structured support that we provided– this was very helpful for us to recognize and discuss before moving forward to this year’s goals. We reiterated to Isla that it is absolutely OKAY if we do not achieve all our goals, or if we discover we need to adjust them as our ambitions change.

We also used this conversation to review the purpose of goal setting: Goals are things you want to learn, do, or achieve. We set goals to help keep ourselves focused and progressing. Last year we used guiding questions to help Isla decide on goals, but this year she was filled with ideas and needed very little assistance. We just helped make sure she was considering all facets of her life to select a mix of goals that will support her interests, academics, behavior, and health.

Now, let’s talk about setting goals with a three year old. If yours is anything like ours, it can be next to impossible. I tried my darnedest to have a conversation with Cole about goals and goal setting, but his busy brain was far more interested in… anything else. Our conversation literally sounded like:

Me (excitedly): Hey bubs, we are going to set goals this year! Goals are something we want to learn or get better at doing.

Cole: I really like my LEGO safari truck. Dat’s my good one.

Me: That’s great, bud. Can I talk to you more about goals? I have noticed you are eating with your fork more at dinner. That’s so awesome! How about we set a goal that you eat with your silverware all the time?

Cole: Yeah, der was dis ninja guy. He had a creepy mask.

Me: Stay with me, Coley. Do you think you can eat with your silverware instead of your hands?

Cole: Starts humming theme song to some movie.

Me: …

So, I more or less chose goals for Cole this year. I tried to think about skills we wanted to help him develop, areas of life he has discussed (hoping this will help him be more interested and invested) and milestones that would be appropriate for him to achieve.

Like last year, we chose to display the kids’ goals as clouds around their connection tree. Once Isla had selected her goals, she drew clouds and wrote her goals inside. She also drew clouds for Cole’s goals.

Once the goals were written, we outlined them with Sharpie so they would stand out. Then we added glitter borders. I let the kids each choose their own color to help them identify their own goals more easily.

After the glue had dried, I cut out the clouds and we mounted them above the kids’ connection tree in their room.

When reflecting upon Isla’s 2020 goals, it became obvious that we did not revisit them enough throughout the year. I feel like that is where we falter most often in our own goals as well! This year, I have set monthly reminders in my calendar to help myself remember to check in with the kids to provide them with more consistent support in achieving their goals.

Do you help your children set goals? What techniques work well for your family? We shared 10 tips for helping children set and achieve goals HERE in case you are looking for some ideas!